took a nap at a friends house
woke up with a penis drawn on my forehead
PoorDecisions tagged as
it's funny cus it didn't happen to me
that'll happen
12
Shotgun Weddings
pulled over for speeding was high as a bitch eyes was glazed over cop asked me why my eyes looked so glassy so i came back at him with why do you have white powder on ur upper lip and nose red
six tickets five hours of searching my car and late for work fml bonus result : got fired double fml
9
Futures Destroyed
going down a muddy hill to get to my car
tearing a ligament in my leg, spraining my ankle, and not being able to do anything due to my crutches for 2 weeks
-5
Promises Kept
went to see my gal at her parents house
ended the day with a bitching mom and had bite marks on my neck ended up going home with blue balls
31
Miles per ROFL
i decided to pour a mixture of vodka, absent, and some moonshine in my proms punch bowl
resulted in about 20 girls pregnant, most the teachers losing their job, and me losing my highschool diploma, and cant go to college and got on probation... oh and lots of people wanting to kick my ass...
7
Drunken Shenanigans
Bareback with chinese woman for months. She said she was on the pill.
Oops! Crazy chinese woman off pill and is preggo and keeing teh babby. She tells in email to me. So I shit my pants. Don't want a babby, and really not with her. BONUS RESULT: Paternity test. I AM NOT THE FATHER!!!! also, cocks
-16
Trash Cans Not Vomited Into
brought a co-worker friend in on a high-profile, important project at work.
He's a lazy piece of s**t and turns in late, half-assed work when he turns in anything at all. But he sure will direct traffic, based on no knowledge of the facts and making extra work for everyone else. Bonus result: As part of a scheme to take over the project, he tried to stuff me under the bus to hide the fact that he's not doing any work. Bonus bonus result: His scheming and outbursts have put team morale in the toilet and made us all work more than we would have if he wasn't there at all.
23
LOLs per Million
hooked up with the finest chick at my 100+ guests party, a 12 on a 10 scale, everyone was trying to get with her. roommates said they would take care of house while i was 'busy'
woke up the next morning and smelled a strong stench of onions and asparagus. she shit herself in the bed we hooked up in. my roommates, and i kicked her out immediately. now i have to buy him a new 1000 thread Egyptian sheets.
29
Futures Destroyed
Paid for my wife and her mom friends to have a family-free night for my wife's birthday, with fancy dinner, tickets to a popular play and overnight stay at a good hotel.
They all talked late into the night at the hotel and decided that my wife is unhappy. She stuck with that and four months later she divorced me.
29
Miles per ROFL
Introduced my boyfriend to my mom after coming out to her.
Mom's decided that my boyfriend is her new favourite son, and that my being gay is the best thing I could've done to give her the kid she always wanted.
